Any aspiring Do-It-Yourself'ers out there - listen up?
If working with stucco seems like a frightening experience...trust your instincts. Here are some tips I can give you.
1. Pay somebody else to do it. This is a difficult process but if you can succeed, it will greatly increase the odds of a successful outcome. As a first time attempter of stucco-ing, i hadn't realized how important this first step was, so I will give you some suggestions to help. Getting a contractor to come look at your 100 sq foot wall is a major accomplishment. They are all much too busy to be bothered with your 'little' hobby. LIE, do not tell them you have a 100 sq foot wall, tell them it is 500 sq feet, and when they show up, plead ignorance. Then once you have them there, BRIBE them to do the job.
2. If you are unable to procure a stucco contractor, do not feel like a failure. I called 5 different contractors in this economically depressed community and could not get one to even look at my project. You are, however, left with the unenviable task of doing the project by yourself. Before you begin, you might want to spend a week or so binge drinking just to get it out of your system.
3. Before the actual stucco, you need to cover the wall with 'felt' (tar paper) and chicken wire. You can spend a lot of money on fancy stucco mesh, but chicken wire will do just fine if you keep it tight, if it sags, you're f'd. The chicken wire must be spaced 1/8" to 1/4" off the felt. There are special nails for tacking the chicken wire up like this - get them.
4. A proper stucco wall requires 3 'coats' of stucco, all with fancy names. Ignore the names - for the beginning DIYer, just get the shit up on the wall. Let each layer 'cure' for at least a week before applying the next layer. Not only will this make the project feel like eternal hell, but it will give the skin on your hands almost enough time to heal between applications.
5. Inventory - I used 6 bags of stucco for my 100 sq ft wall. One bag was completely wasted because it got damp before i got around to putting up the 3rd coat. Unfortunately I didn't discover this to be a problem until after the stucco was supposedly cured and it all crumbled off like a child's sandbox in a windstorm. (btw, what didn't crumble off before i painted, flaked off WHILE I was painting = bad news)
6. BEFORE you even think about painting, make the effort to fill in any valleys and holes and etc. DIYers are notorious for covering up shoddy workmanship with a coat of paint, but that method won't work here. You can get the fluffiest paint roller that money can buy and you will still spend an eternity trying to get an even coat of paint on your wall.
7. The lady at the paint store will tell you that one gallon of paint will cover 300 sq feet. Do NOT believe her. Stucco has a quark-like property and sucks paint into a black hole. I needed almost two gallons to cover 100 sq feet.
8. Make sure to turn up your music really loud while you're working. You should not have to go through hell alone, force your neighbors to listen to your music.