I had a friend who had a little dog. That little dog made him feel like a king - so loyal when they were together. Only problem was - the little dog kept running away. I don't think it ever realized how much heartbreak it caused my friend - it was just busy being a little dog. My friend kept rescuing it out of danger, and the little dog would show signs of appreciation yet mixed with fear, sensing the frustration in my friend's face.
Time and time again they went through this cycle. I kept wondering when my friend would just give up and let it suffer the consequences. He never did. He loved that little dog no matter what.
To this day I can't decide if that was a strength or a weakness.

Start Your Engines

My son had his first shot behind the wheel this weekend. His lap times were good, but being his first time, he was nervous when it came to passing. He did manage to get past one and was working on a second when the race ended. As the other drivers said, "He didn't get last and he didn't get lapped", so a very good first performance.

Pick the Correct Caption

A. Native Hawaiian attacked by man-eating Habiscus
B. Aretha Franklin donates to charity auction
C. The Kentucky Derby equivalent of Mardi Gras beads

Pick the correct caption

Bollywood has a message for Richard Gere.
India voters represent.
Pakistan sends a message to US about spy drones.

Don't Taze the Nude Wizard Guy, bro

obviously NSFW...

Naked Wizard Tased By Reality from Tracy Anderson on Vimeo.

Pizza Whisperer?

My Green Monkey Music Mix (covers version)

from I, Splotchy the latest version of the Green Monkey Music Mix is about "covers".
So without further ado, here are my 6 picks for this latest version.

1. Cry Me A River - Aerosmith / Julie London/Ella Fitzgerald
the first time i heard this song was the mid-80s with aerosmith doing it. I knew right away that it must have been an old jazz tune from the late 40s/early 50s era. I now have versions by London, Fitzgerald, Etta James, and Joe Cocker, but my favorite is still Aerosmith.

2. All Along the Watchtower - Jimi Hendrix / Bob Dylan
Dylan has always been an amazing song writer and this song is no exception. But much like he did to Billy Robert's 'Hey Joe', Hendrix gave it life where it otherwise would likely have faded quickly into obscurity.

3. Bridge of Sighs - George Lynch / Robin Trower
Built between 1600 and 1603, the Bridge of Sighs provided the last view of Venice that convicts saw before their imprisonment. As if the mysterious lyrics weren't haunting enough to depict the scenario, Trower's wailing guitar work would undoubtedly have brought many a convict to his knees his sorrow and repentance. Fast-Forward to today's guitar virtuosos, George Lynch is a guitarist who could easily be grouped into that class of shredders who cram a ridiculous amount of notes into a single measure. Thank god, he chose to do this beautiful piece tastefully, making it his own, without losing the original passion.

4. Effigy - Gov't Mule / Creedence Clearwater Revival
CCR did some awesome anti-war songs during the vietnam era, and while a lot of otherwise talented musicians have attempted to do covers, they just didn't feel right. Maybe because Warren Haynes has been around forever and can relate to the sentiments of that era, but whatever the reason, he was able to make this song distinctively his own, without losing the original. (Yes i know i said the same thing about "Bridge of Sighs", above.)

5. (I Know) I'm Losing You - Richie Kotzen / The Temptations
This is one of those WTF moments. Richie Kotzen, hair band guitarist for Poison, Mr. Big, and god only knows what else, does some stunning work with this classic R&B tune. Some damn fine funky guitar work, and as a bonus, he even scats.

6. Voodoo Chile (Slight Return) - Stevie Ray Vaughan / Jimi Hendrix
I was a big Hendrix fan and never had much appreciation for people who tried to cover his songs. The Eric Clapton/Duane Allman cover of Little Wing was disappointing despite the incredible talent behind it. One day in 1984, I heard this amazing guitar work on the radio. Some guy named Stevie Ray Vaughan doing Jimi's "Voodoo Chile" and doing it well. I said to myself, "This guy has some chops, he could make it big". I'd say I was right.

15 years ago, prophetic.

(click on the comic to enlarge)

Resolutely Apathetic

Here are my non-resolutions for 2009...
1. I'm not going to lose any weight despite going to the gym 3-4 times/week.
2. I'm not going to become more enlightened by spending more time reading and less time watching TV even though I can't find anything on TV worth watching.
3. I'm not going to become more passionate through music and art despite spending more time practicing guitar.
4. I'm not going to be more productive at work despite spending less time surfing the web.

Be Aware of ShamWow Imitators

some random thoughts about OJ

"heh listen to me make farting noises with my hands..."


9 years is probably a lot for this particular "armed robbery". If the sentence reflects his acquital from the nicole brown simpson murder, is that really justice?
Is there any consistency left in the justice system?

Story Virus

(...continued from Splotchy)
...and that was pretty much the last we heard from Splotchy.

1...2...3...holy crap

this is why this sign

was created.

Woman Wearing Cow Suit Arrested

I often have the intention of just letting my blog fade away into oblivion, but this story absolutely must be posted.

A Middletown woman is arrested, after chasing children, peeing on a porch, and blocking traffic... all while wearing a cow suit.

Original story here

Photoshop of the Day

Weekend Warriors

Softball season is finally over. Not a particularly good season and only made worse because i played with this pulled hamstring for the last 3 weeks.

I need one of these!

Pam Anderson IS PETA (or is that PITA?)

This is just too outrageous to pass up...

Pammy Sue hand delivered a letter to the manager of a KFC while in Australia which states in part...

Dear Mr Baladi,
I’ve been in Australia filming Big Brother, in which my housemates and I are confined and sealed off from the outside world, much like the chickens who are crammed inside barns for KFC. Fortunately, I won’t be stomped to death, have my legs broken or be scalded to death in a tank of hot water – yet, as PETA’s undercover videos have revealed, the chickens raised for KFC’s restaurants in Australia often suffer these abuses.

1) Typical of 'reality' shows, sealed off from the outside world somehow still leaves room for her to make public appearances at KFC.

2) Untypical of reality shows, "like chickens who are crammed inside barns for KFC". In fact I don't think i've ever seen any show that made me think, "damn, that's just like those chickens crammed inside of barns for KFC".

3) Unlike those chickens, in this reality show, Pammy won't "be stomped to death, have [her] legs broken or be scalded to death in a tank of hot water..."
No Pammy, but if you were, it might raise the ratings. Something to consider.
and yes, except for that difference, you're quite similar to a chicken, all breast and no brain... but i digress.

story on PETA's blog site here
Pam's complete letter here

New CA cell phn lw ds nt prohibit txt msging. Ur bff Jill apprvs.

I'm a bit of a libertarian at heart. I think the seatbelt laws are unconstitutional. But even I was glad to see an attempt made at curbing cell phone use while driving. It is estimated that between 300-600 lives will be saved each year from this law - I assume they base this estimate on traffic related deaths involving cell phones and that it's not just some number pulled out of their collective asses.

I really want to believe that rational thought went into the making of this law. And yet when I find out that with all the big show about the big crackdown and 'no grace period' for people caught talking on their cell phones while driving, it turns out there is a glaring hole in the law. It doesn't prohibit text messaging.

How in the hell can text messaging not be considered infinitely more distracting?!

From the official California DMV web page.

Q: Does the new “hands-free” law allow drivers 18 and over to text message while driving?
A: The law does not specifically prohibit that, but an officer can pull over and issue a citation to a driver of any age if, in the officer’s opinion, the driver was distracted and not operating the vehicle safely. Sending text messages while driving is unsafe at any speed and is strongly discouraged.

the burn

First softball game of the season last night. I tagged up from 2nd base on a deep sacrifice fly and coming into home plate the catcher fakes like he's taking a throw.
I do a quick drop to slide in. Focker!
i play as hard as the next guy, but there is absolutely no reason to fake a play at the plate other than to get somebody hurt.